She was my last grandparent and a very sweet (and funny) grandmother. It's really hard having loved ones in other countries because when I found out her health was failing, I felt like she was an eternity away from me already and that there was nothing I could do. Although I desperately wanted to go to Korea and see her and give her lots of hugs and kisses, there were competing priorities. Ultimately, I decided that letting my mother go and spend time with her mother was more important than forcing my way and leaving my father behind.
My mother had a tearful goodbye that was also filled with lots of love and I am glad that she was able to do that.
I was able to do FaceTime with my grandmother when she was in ICU. She was having trouble breathing but I was able to tell her that I loved her one last time.
|My favorite photo with her :')|
My eyes opened on June 15 before my alarm had gone off. I checked my phone to see what time it was and instead saw a couple of missed text messages from only moments before. She was gone.
Growing up, I wasn't very close to my Seoul grandmother. Distance was an obvious factor, but as the years passed and my Korean got worse, we could barely communicate. I took Korean classes in college and it helped our relationship a lot. During my last 2 visits to Korea, I found out that she was actually very funny and liked to poke fun at people (and was a food critic). She was also fun to shop with and we both liked the same kinds of snacks. Granted, my Korean isn't perfect, we were still able to have fun conversations.
We also got to talk about God, which isn't something I get to do very often with my family. During my last trip, we went to church together on Sunday. It was a very nice and special time for me, because it was the last time we hung out just us two. We had to take breaks on the way to the church so that she could catch her breath, but she made every step with determination. She was a very strong woman.
I'm very grateful for the times we had together and hope that she is having a blast in Heaven. I hope she is finally at peace, free from worry or guilt or pain. For such a tiny lady, she carried many burdens, and I know that God has freed her from those.
Loss is never easy to deal with, but I feel like I was in the most denial about losing my Seoul grandmother. Since I didn't talk to her very regularly, it's easy for me to say I'll call her later or that if I visit she will still be there waiting for me. It's hard to face the reality that she is not in her apartment. She will no longer sit across from me while we eat fruit. I can't look over and see her sleeping next to me.
|She loved doing crossword puzzles;|
I'm sure she's doing oodles of them in Heaven.