I'm feeling pressure because it's been so long since our last family trip and I want to make it as great as possible.
You never know how long you have with your loved ones and I want to look back on this as a beautiful memory. But what if it's awful? Boring? Mediocre?
I want to avoid the sting of failure.
While my family is very loving and caring, we are not ones for quality time. We show love by saying loving words, giving gifts, doing acts of service, and lots of hugs and kisses. And now I feel like we are at the end of the line and have nothing to show for quality time, and it upsets me.
I want to make the most of every moment. Pack it full of laughter, joy, inside jokes, smiles, everything happy.
It's a tall order and it's not possible.
There will be moments of quiet. Of nothing.
I'd like to be okay with that. But right now, when I think of these faces that I've loved for my whole life, I only want to see them happy on this trip.
What is quality time to you? For me, I'm not sure, because it's never been something that I knew how to handle or create. But maybe it's not something that can be handled or made.
I truly hope the trip will be something great to look back on. I hope my dad has a lot of fun and feels peaceful and satisfied. I would love for my mom to relax and feel supported. I pray that Unni, Sabu, and Sejong will create wonderful moments for their family.
It feels silly to be worried and stressed about a vacation, but with our time together ticking down on some figurative clock, I can't help it.
Heavenly Father, please help me shut out the stresses of perfection, and focus on just being present with my famiLee. Even if I feel like I've failed or I make a mistake, surround me with Your grace, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.